Its been a few days since I have blogged .. I got sick and didn't want to do anything but rest really. I am feeling better now and wanted to update here. 


I often wonder how other peoples relationships work. What are their rules and why do they go about it the way they do. I know that each relationship is different and everyone has different ideas on how things work and what they expect. 


Sometimes, when I am reading or talking to other people I think to myself that there is no way I could do what they are doing. I also find myself very envious of other peoples challenges and wonder what it would be like to do what they are doing. I wonder what types of struggles people have and if I am alone in mine. How do other people handle it. Its one reason why I am back blogging and on twitter, I need the interaction of other like minded people. 


I often find myself resisting my Master even when I know its wrong or unjust. Is it because I am ashamed of who I am and the things that turn me on. I honestly do think that is part of it, my mom preached to me about sex and I have heard her say many negative things about it. She would absolutely freak if she knew I was submissive and that not only did I not mind sucking cock but I actually love it. Don't even get me started on bondage and spanking .. ha thats just unheard of in her world. I am working hard to work past these feelings and be ok with who I am, but it certainly is a work in progress. At one time I though I was making good progress but I think in the last year or so I have took some steps backwards. 


Thankfully, I have a very caring and patient Master. He does push me, but I don't believe as much as he would like. I want him to be able to push me, its how I learn and grow but at the same time I am so scared and I fight him when I should just trust in him as I know he will never do me any harm. 


Sorry for the random ramblings of this crazy submissive girl .. Thanks for listening and feel free to comment :) 


His Angel